A Sex Guide For Men and Women


We deal with common sexual problems and issues, which you can read about by clicking on the links below.

Sexual information and advice for men ] How To Overcome Premature Ejaculation ] How To Please A Woman In Bed ] More Advice On Premature Ejaculation ] How to Overcome Sexual Boredom ] Manifestation - The Art Of Getting What You Want ] Sexual Arousal In Men ] What Makes Sex Good For Men ] Sexual Arousal and Orgasm In Women ] [ Sexual Arousal In Women ] Advanced Sexual Techniques ]


The Response of the Clitoris and Vagina During Sex

clitoris and penis comparedThe clitoris and vagina are the woman's two major sexual organs. The clitoris is a tiny organ. It has been calculated that in its relaxed state the size of the clitoral glans is about one-fifth of an inch.

There are, however, as many variations in size as there are of the penis from man to man.

Some clitorises are so large, that when they are erect they protrude from the outer vaginal lips to all appearances like the head of a miniature penis. The average clitoris, however, must be searched for carefully, and may be recalcitrant between the labial folds.....

The clitoris has a shaft and a head. The shaft remains imbedded in the skin and only the head protrudes. When the woman is not sexually excited, this head is covered by a hood of skin, which, when erection takes place, slips back, just like the foreskin of the uncircumcised male, and exposes the head.

Other characteristics of the clitoris are the spongy erectile tissue, which fills with blood in response to sexual stimulation, thus causing the clitoris to become stiff, like the penis; and the mass of nerves, concentrated here more densely than in any other part of the woman's sexual apparatus, which are connected with her general sexual nervous system, under sustained direct stimulation bring about the woman's orgasm.

diagram showing location of the clitorisThe clitoris is sited at the upper point of the inner vaginal lips, which cover it. Below it is the opening of the urethra - the tube by which the bladder is emptied of urine - below which again is the vaginal entrance.

From the clitoris to the upper rim of the vaginal entrance, fronting the pubic bone, is a short strip of flesh covered with the special membrane skin which lines the vagina, and is similar to the membrane covering the head of the penis.

The length of this ridge varies from woman to woman, so there is a wide variation in the position of the clitoris, not only in relation to the opening of the urethra, but to the vaginal opening.

The positioning of the clitoris can have a distinct effect on the stimulation of the tiny organ after the penis has been put into the vagina, and the likelihood of a woman reaching orgasm, as I shall explain later.

Packed full of nerves though it is, the clitoris requires much longer direct stimulation than the penis not only to bring it to erection, but to build up the responses to the plateau phase and thereafter. But before any kind of direct stimulation can be applied to it, the clitoris has to be located! It would save a lot of time and worry if the woman would take her partner's finger and direct it on to the clitoris.

The man can begin foreplay with direct stimulation of the clitoris, or he can (preferably) induce clitoral erection and bring the woman's sexually lubricating glands into action by stimulating her breasts and other erogenous zones.

Direct clitoral stimulation (read about it on this article on the sexual response cycle) can cause extreme discomfort, perhaps to the extent of killing the woman's desire altogether, if tried before there is some degree of clitoral erection and flow of lubricating fluid.

Expert stimulation of the breasts will automatically have an erectile effect on the clitoris, though this does vary from woman to woman, and in the same woman from occasion to occasion.

If you're looking for information about how to control your ejaculation, you may wish to examine the program Ejaculation By Command by Lloyd Lester. It's probably the best home-treatment program on the internet, and it certainly covers all you need to know about creative ways to get over the problem of ejaculating too rapidly when you are with a new partner - or, indeed, for that matter, with an old partner. This is a great review and it probably answers all the questions you have.

Now, the odd thing about the clitoris is that the head protrudes from the hood only during the first, or excitement, phase of stimulation. When the plateau phase is reached, the clitoris, while remaining fully erect, draws back within the hood and stays there until after a woman has reached orgasm.

Male Sexual Arousal

While a man cannot be sexually aroused without his penis becoming erect and staying erect until he ejaculates (provided he continues to be directly excited by caresses of one kind or another), no woman can become sexually roused beyond the latter half of the excitement phase without the clitoris becoming erect and remaining erect until sometime after she reaches orgasm.

There is, however, a difference in the two sets of responses. The penis will remain erect without any direct stimulation of it or any of the erogenous zones so long as the man is psychologically stimulated.

diagram of male sexual anatomy

The man responds more to psychological - especially visual - stimulation than the woman.

(Note, however, that this may not be true of sex in midlife, when erection becomes less predictable, and a man's penis may require physical stimulation to stay hard, or even become hard in the first place.)

When man is sexually aroused and his penis remains erect, though physical stimulation is not applied to him, the erection is almost certainly the result of his seminal vesicles and prostate being full to bursting point.

This is felt as a sensation of fullness, and this sensation continues so long as the penis remains erect; it is identical with the sensation which men feel in the plateau phase of their arousal.

During sex they do not become conscious of it until immediately before the point-of-no-return (the point of ejaculatory inevitability); and they are not conscious of it during prolonged erection without direct stimulation unless it builds up to the point where a man feels an overpowering need to experience ejaculation and orgasm.

Now, while the man's sensations are concentrated in the glans, and to a lesser extent in the shaft, of the penis, the woman has many more areas of sensation, some more important than others. One would imagine, therefore, that her experience of sexual sensations would be more intense than the man's and that she would remain aroused longer than the man. But this does not happen.

Every man who has acquired some skill as a lover, will have had personal experience of stimulating his partner to the point when she asks him to put his penis into her just before she comes.

But if, for some reason or other, there has had to be a short pause (less than half-a-minute, say) before he can put his penis into her, it is often long enough for the woman's sensations of sexual arousal to die down considerably. Often this means arousal and stimulation techniques have to be started all over again.

But even though a woman loses all, or most, of her sexual arousal sensations when direct stimulation stops, the erect and swollen areas do not subside. The clitoris and nipples remain erect and the labia remain swollen, despite the fact that they are not being stimulated.

In fact, after a woman reaches orgasm, she goes on feeling orgasm sensations for quite a time and her erect and swollen areas take some minutes to subside to normal; whereas the male orgasm-after-glow is very much shorter - probably three quarters of a minute at the most - and his penis usually loses its erection completely within a couple of minutes.

The Vagina

We will turn now to the other chief part of the woman's sexual apparatus - the vagina. The vagina is a kind of barrel-like tube.

Video - the appearance of the vagina

In length, and in a state of repose, the vagina is on an average 4 inches long. It is lined with a special membrane which is corrugated in two senses - it has largish folds in it when in repose and still has other corrugated features when stretched by the penis whose function is to stimulate the nerves in the penis.

The first kind of corrugation is brought about by the fact, that being only a few inches long, whereas practically any length of penis that goes into it will be between an inch and four or five inches longer, it has to stretch long ways to accommodate the penis.

It is also capable of expanding in circumference so as to take a penis of almost any girth.

Even before the penis is put into the vagina, however, the vagina increases in size from its normal relaxed state, the increase being a direct result of the woman being sexually aroused; and though the entrance to the vagina does not react in this way, but remains a tight ring, which expands only when made to do so by the penis, the rest of the tube expands until, at the far end, it takes on a bell-like appearance.

The first half of the vagina's length is supplied with nerves and is surrounded by inner walls of smooth muscle. If the vagina does produce orgasm-sensations, it is here they will be originated.

Vaginal Contractions

Even if women are not capable of being brought to orgasm by vaginal stimulation alone, the orgasmic platform is that part of the vagina where she experiences orgasmic sensations.

The rim of the vaginal entrance is as well supplied with nerves as is the clitoris, and the frenulum of the man's penis, and is, therefore, a highly important erogenous zone. It is also surrounded by a muscle which the woman can learn to contract at will.

It is, however, by way of being what is known as an involuntary muscle; that is to say, at times it contracts and relaxes at will, and nothing that the woman can do will stop these contractions.

In a very large number of women they occur as she comes, in the same way that the muscles surrounding the male genital area contract and relax to force the semen out of the penis when the man ejaculates.

In quite a number of women however, they are so faint that they cannot be felt by the penis, and, according to some women, not even by the women themselves.

The entrance to the vagina is protected by two small folds of flesh known as the inner labia, while the inner lips, the vulval opening, the urethral opening and the clitoris are protected by larger folds of flesh called the outer labia (or major or greater lips). You can see pictures of the vagina here. The covering of the inner lips is the special membrane that lines the vagina, except that it is not corrugated, while the outer covering of the outer lips is ordinary skin.

Both sets of lips become swollen with concentrations of blood when the woman is sexually excited. The Bartholin's glands, which are situated one in each of the inner lips, pour out a lubricating fluid when the woman is sexually aroused.

On either side of the urethral opening is a minute gland, called Skene's gland, which reacts to sexual arousal in the same way as Bartholin's, and pours out a lubricating fluid over the clitoris and vulva.

Because of its expanding potential the vagina does not have to be stimulated to enlargement in order to admit the penis. Though it is difficult for a man to get his penis into an unaroused vagina, it can be done provided the penis is well lubricated.

He can move his penis backwards and forwards, too, in the usual way and the friction of the walls will bring him off. If no contraception precautions have been taken, the semen deposited in the vagina can lead to the fertilisation of the egg. Therefore, sexual arousal is not essential for a woman to play her normal role in sex, nor is orgasm necessary for conception to take place.

Female Orgasm

The sensations produced by orgasm in both men and women defy description; but we do know how various parts of the anatomy react physically during orgasm.

Women need to be stimulated to a high pitch of sexual excitement before they receive the penis. The period of this stimulation is several times longer than that required by men not only to achieve erection but to ejaculate. In men from stimulation starting to the moment that the first spurt of semen leaves the penis, only two minutes may pass.

That is to say, the penis is brought to full erection and stimulated to orgasm in this short period. The time that an average woman requires stimulation from a state of sexual quiescence, through erection and swelling, to experiencing the first true orgasmic sensation is ten times longer.

Of this period, five minutes of expert direct stimulation with the fingers, mouth or tongue may elapse before the first physical signs of arousal in the main sexual organs appear - erection of the clitoris, swelling of the outer and inner lips and the operation of Skene's and Bartholin's glands.

diagram of female sexual anatomyAfter the clitoris has become erect, at least seven minutes of direct stimulation of it and of one or more of the other erogenous zones will be necessary to bring her to the point-of-no-return and even after the penis has entered the vagina her sensations may subside and she will not know how to reach orgasm as she makes love unless she is in the hands of quite a skilful lover.

If direct stimulation of the clitoris does not take place it can take up to an hour of stimulation of the other erogenous zones to bring the same "ten-minute woman" even to within striking distance of the point-of-no-return; and then she will be very lucky indeed if she does have an orgasm.

From this it is quite clear that the clitoris is the woman's main arousal area; a claim which is supported by the fact that of all women who masturbate, almost all stimulate the clitoris right through to the moment of orgasm.

Now, supposing the ten-minute woman received the penis as soon as her outer and inner labia had swollen and her clitoris become erect, and her orgasm sensations were at a rudimentary stage; if she had an orgasm at all, it would probably take an hour of unbroken penile thrusting to achieve it.

Few men could do this without becoming physically exhausted or could delay orgasm long enough to keep their erections.

However, there is no doubt that men could easily make love for longer than they do. There are a variety of premature ejaculation treatments listed and described here.

The fact that it takes so long for stimulation of the vagina to bring a woman off, might suggest the vagina has very few orgasm-producing nerves. But supporters of vaginal orgasm would contest that point very strongly.

Clitoral and Vaginal Orgasms

The clitoral-orgasm supporters argue that the vagina is incapable of being stimulated to produce an orgasm. They back up their view by pointing to the very large number of men who can only bring their partners off by continuing to stimulate the clitoris after the penis has been put into the vagina.

In refuting this, the clitoral-orgasm supporters claimed that in those women who reached climax during intercourse were brought to this happy conclusion because the penis, after being put into the vagina, established physical contact with the head of the erect clitoris and the backward and forwards movements of the penis massaged the clitoris and stimulated it to the very threshold of the point-of-no-return before the penis was put into the vagina.

And the man then made fairly vigorous movements so that his partner was able to achieve orgasm during intercourse without the intervention of direct finger-stimulation of the clitoris either by the partner, or by oneself.

The erect clitoris withdraws upwards within its protective surrounding flesh before orgasm, and in the orgasmic phase of female sexual response direct stimulation of the clitoris is not necessary.

Stimulation, slightly more vigorous than would probably be applied to the clitoris itself, can be applied to the general area surrounding the clitoris and will bring a woman off.

When the clitoris is sited near to the vaginal opening, the action of the man's lower pubic area, during his thrusting movements provides this general stimulation of the clitoral area and provokes the woman's orgasm.

The clitoris and its prepuce (hood) form the most sensitively erogenous area of the female genitals, which is a medical way of saying that whether or not vaginal orgasm does exist, the woman can be sure that she will reach orgasm if stimulation is concentrated on her clitoris.

As sexual excitement rises, the clitoris enlarges. The degree of enlargement differs from woman to woman, and from occasion to occasion in the same woman; but as far as an average can be struck, it is not far out if we say that at the peak of enlargement the clitoris is double the size that it is when relaxed.

It has reached the peak of enlargement usually just before the woman enters the second phase of excitement - the plateau phase.

The clitoris, which is composed of erectile tissue, like the nipples and the man's penis, is enlarged by the inflow of blood in response to stimulation, for besides being equipped with a highly sensitive nervous system, it has an extremely large circulatory system for its size. So long as the woman is sexually stimulated, the blood will remain trapped in the clitoris.

Similarly, within a short time of the woman beginning to feel sensations of sexual arousal, the outer labia swell - also caused by the concentration of blood - and reach their maximum size before the plateau phase is reached. The outer labia of a woman who has had no children increase more in size than the outer labia of a woman who has had a child or children.

At the peak of their enlargement, towards the end of the first, excitement, phase and into the second or plateau phase, the outer lips part sideways making the vaginal ridge more readily accessible to fingers or penis.

 The inner labia also greatly increase in size during the excitement phase. In some women they swell so much that their thickness adds almost half an inch to the length of the vagina before it is stretched by the penis. The Bartholin's glands do not begin to work until the plateau phase has been in progress for some time.

But it must be in the experience of every man who has indulged in sex play with his partner that in very many women the inner labia and the vaginal ridge become very slippery; so where does this lubricating fluid come from?