A Sex Guide For Men and Women
We deal with common sexual problems and issues, which you can read about by clicking on the links below.
Sex Advice For Men
Sex, lovemaking, call it what you will, has two chief aims. First, you should aim to derive for yourself and your partner the greatest pleasure possible on that occasion, in other words, to provide the most intense sensations at orgasm which you can achieve. Second, you should be skilled enough with sexual techniques and positions that neither of you is ever bored.
For many variations of sex positions see www.sex-techniques-and-positions.com. But, you should acquire most of your knowledge from your own experiments. Start by learning your partner's erogenous zones and pointing out yours to her.
Then you must discover the best ways of stimulating each other's sensitive spots in order to make them produce the maximum sexual arousal.
On this point, it is quite extraordinary how many men and women do not realize that the penis is a great way to stimulate the clitoris - as good as fingers mouth or hand.
Let us consider, briefly, the possible functions of each in turn. For the stimulation of the clitoris and vagina you naturally think of the finger, and it will be the finger (or fingers) which you will also chiefly use for the stimulation of the vulva ridge and the vagina entrance.
In using the finger for stimulation of the clitoris, it will be the tip of it that will be most sensitive. It is essential that you should discover from your partner exactly what kind of movement of the fingertip gives her the greatest pleasure.
Most women like a slow, steady movement backward and forward along the shaft of the clitoris to the tip, and then as tension increases a quicker and fighter movement, until, supposing you are going to bring her off with the finger before you put your penis into her, you are in the final stages when you rapidly and lightly brush the tip of the clitoris with the fingertip.
A variation is to use the whole of the underside of the long middle finger, placing its base on the clitoral shaft and the tip on or as near as it will go to the vagina entrance.
You then slightly apply stimulation of the whole area by moving the finger with a fairly firm pressure, up and down, maintaining contact all the time in such a way that the tip of the finger at one end of the stroke passes over the shaft of the clitoris, and at the other end goes just inside the vagina.
Clitoral stimulation using finger and thumb.
Put the finger and thumb on either side of the tip of the clitoris just as if you were stimulating both head and shaft of a miniature penis and, pressing firmly though not so firmly as to hurt, draw finger and thumb upward along the clitoris shaft until they meet in the apex of the outer labia.
Continue pulling upward until the finger and thumb are straining very slightly against the apex, hold for a second, then relax and with the same speed and pressure move the finger and thumb down towards the tip of the clitoris.
The effect of the pressure against the apex of the large lips is similar to that produced in the penis if the finger and thumb are placed one on either side of the shaft in erection below the penis rim and then moved down so that the skin is pulled downward over the shaft to exert pressure on the frenulum.
In the man, this pressure, if hard enough and maintained long enough, can so stimulate the frenulum nerves that orgasm can be produced in a very short time without any other movement.
In the case of the clitoris, the head is pulled upward and backward, and though the resulting sensations are not so acute, they are exceptionally stimulating.
In yet another variation of clitoral stimulation the forefinger and thumb are brought into play. The thumb or finger, whichever is more convenient, is inserted in the vagina as far as it will go, and the tip of the other is placed in the apex of the large lips.
Exerting a fairly firm pressure, though care must be taken not to hurt the interior of the vagina, finger and thumb are then drawn together until they meet somewhere on the vaginal ridge, and then parted again, the thumb going back to where it was and the finger to where it was. Again, the rhythm of this stroking should be slow and constant.
Finger and thumb are also used to stimulate the nipple, though sucking with the mouth or licking quickly with the tongue is generally preferable to most women. When finger and thumb are used the nipple should gently be rolled between them.
Double the response is obtained if the nipple of one breast is rolled between finger and thumb while the mouth or tongue is simultaneously applied to the nipple of the other.
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There are several satisfactory techniques involving tongue, mouth, and nipple. Slightly pout your lips, which should be limp, and gently blow and suck, so that the nipple moves in and out between the stationary lips.
Almost close your lips, then move the tip of your tongue lightly up and down over the nipple, round it and backward and forward across it.
Or take the whole of the nipple into your mouth, with your tongue pushed down into the back of your bottom teeth, arch your tongue and press it forward beneath the nipple so that the nipple is pushed against it and the roof of the mouth. Using a rhythmical movement, slide the nipple backward and forward across the roof of the mouth.
Again, turn your lips inward and take the nipple between them, then roll the jaws from side to side. Or, take the nipple firmly between the teeth, though not so firmly as to cause pain, and either stretch it by pulling your head backward or shake your head from side to side.
Quite a number of women find they are most stimulated if you open your mouth wide, place it over the nipple, and then attempt to draw as much of the breast into your mouth as you can. When you have achieved this you should apply the suction quite strongly for some seconds, then let go, and once again reapply the suction.
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More Sexual Techniques
Another caress which is very effective brings all the fingers and the thumb of one hand into play. Place the palm of the hand over the nipple and spread out the fingers.
Then gradually draw the fingers across the breast so that they all bunch on the nipple. Quite a firm pressure should be used for what may be described as this kneading motion. Repeat with a slow and steady rhythm.
Light strokes of the fingertips in any of the erogenous zones provoke responses, so will a light stroking of anywhere on the body with the palm of the hand. The palm of the hand is especially effective on the thighs and behind the knees.
By starting at the back of one knee, bringing the hand upward until it reaches the crotch, then passing over to the other thigh and going down to behind the other knee, you can induce responses which may be so intense that they cause your partner to catch her breath.
The palm of the hand applied in light strokes to the belly and passed over the pubic hair so that it touches but does not depress the hair produces sensations so special that when applied to you, for example, while your penis is limp, they can bring about a very strong erection in seconds. In the woman it is almost as effective as caresses of the nipples in causing clitoral erection. (And nipple stimulation can help men get harder erections.)
Know Your Erogenous Zones (And Your Partner's!)
More effective than the fingertips on the erogenous zones of the neck, shoulders, ears, and back is the tip of the tongue.
Get her to lie face downwards and place the tip of your tongue on the erogenous zone of one shoulder, run it across to the spine, then down the whole length of the spine and up the spine once more to the erogenous zone of the other shoulder. This should be done with slow, very light strokes of the tongue.
If you want to caress your partner's clitoris and vagina entrance with your mouth while she does not apply a caress of any kind to you, you will find it most convenient if she lies on her back with her legs apart and her knees drawn up, and places one on each of your shoulders after you have stretched out below her, with your face over her pubic area.
If you want your woman to caress your penis with her mouth and do not wish to caress her at all while she is doing so, she should take up the same position.
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This allows her to run the tip of her tongue up the length of the penis-shaft on what is normally its underside, but is now uppermost, since the tip will be pointing towards the navel. The frenulum is also very accessible.
But if she wants to take the head of the penis into her mouth to suck it, she must lift it up until it is at right-angles to your body. The sensations that this lifting causes make an added contribution to the sucking.
Supposing, however both of you wish to enjoy oral sex at the same time. This produces the most intense responses. In order to do this, you will lie on your back with your head about halfway down the bed and your knees drawn up to allow the soles of your feet to rest on the bed. Your woman will then place herself over you with her head towards your feet and her sexual area over your face.
She lowers her buttocks until your mouth can touch her vaginal area, and resting her weight on her elbows, she leans forward along your torso, until she can take your penis into her mouth.
It does not occur to many couples that the penis can be used to stimulate the clitoris. It can, for example, be used to stroke the clitoris in place of a finger or the tongue.
To do this you and your woman either lie on your sides facing one another and one of you, holding the penis, strokes the clitoris with the penis-head, or you place yourself above your woman as for the man-above sex position.
You then raise your buttocks so that your genitals are not touching, and again, either you or your woman will stroke the clitoris with the penis.
A variation of this is to lower yourself onto your woman until the sexual areas are touching. She will have drawn open the outer lips of the vagina with both hands so that the penis makes direct contact with the vaginal ridge, its tip over the clitoris.
You then move your body, and therefore your penis, upward over hers and back again, making sure all the time that the penis and vulva do not lose contact.
Stimulation of the vagina by the penis
The penis can also be used as a way of stimulating the vagina with the twitching which you make it do once you have acquired a voluntary control of the muscles at its base can thrill a woman.
There is also the possibility of using it to stimulate the very sensitive nerves of the vaginal entrance, by inserting only the head of the penis and making very short thrusting movements.
Another thing that is not generally realized is that if, instead of making thrusting movements, you move your pubic area from side to side after you have put your penis into the vagina, you can just as effectively stimulate your partner so that the friction on her G spot makes her orgasm, possibly even during sex, but you will receive little stimulation yourself.
There is no doubt that sound also has an extremely stimulating effect. Many men and women, even some time before they reach the threshold of the point-of-no-return, experience sexual sensations so intense that they involuntarily cry out, the volume of sound they make increasing as the intensity of the sensations mounts, until they achieve orgasm to the accompaniment of really loud cries. Some men and women, however, do not make any sound at all, except to breathe more noisily and rapidly.
If you are not one of those who react vocally to your mounting arousal, deliberately introduce sounds into your lovemaking. Your shouts and cries heighten your own sexual and orgasmic sensations.
You are releasing inhibitions; but not only is making sounds self-stimulating, the effect of your sounds on your partner and of hers on you is powerfully sexually arousing. Each man will discover what words or sounds most stimulate him and his partner.
But use words or sounds which express your appreciation of what your partner is making you feel; in other words, admiration for her technique in bringing you to orgasm.
Perhaps the only hard and fast rule, for this phase of lovemaking, is this: when you approach your partner initially, nine times out of ten she will not be in a state of erection in those main areas where erection occurs - the clitoris, the outer and inner labia, the vaginal entrance, and the nipples.
Do not attempt to stimulate the clitoris or vaginal area before erection has been induced in those parts by caresses of the erogenous zones and the nipples.
The reason for this is that if you try to stimulate the clitoris and vulva ridge and entrance before the lubricating glands have begun to work, you will certainly cause some discomfort.
A gradual build-up of sexual tension works much better, and since the stimulation of the nipples fairly quickly induces clitoral erection, sexual intercourse might begin with kisses and fondling of the erogenous zones.
After some time of this, pass to the nipples, and as soon as you are sure - by testing now and again - that she is well lubricated, you may direct your attentions to the clitoris and vaginal area.
The only time you want to start with direct stimulation of the clitoris is when you decide to use mouth-genital caresses right from the very beginning. Such caresses are extremely sexually arousing!
Another very important point you must remember is this! Once you have begun to stimulate the clitoris you must not stop except for a second or two.
Rhythmic stimulation for women during sex: a slow, constant, steady rhythm is what the majority of women find most satisfactory in building up tension.
Any break of more than a second or two, or a change in the pressure or the rhythm applied is guaranteed to set almost any woman right back to the beginning of her sexual arousal cycle.
Never hurry lovemaking - except on rare occasions when your partner your partner does not desire to reach orgasm or is unable to reach orgasm and you wish to satisfy yourself.
It is possible for either of you to be sexually aroused during sleep, respond to love-play, and enjoy sex until you ejaculate, with only a kind of hazy, half-conscious idea of what is happening until the (invariably, extremely intense) orgasm has fully awakened both.
Besides this, more often than not you cannot really tell before you have been in bed some time together whether you or your partner is going to want to make love.
A chance touch, a sudden thought or feeling of tenderness, is quite enough to set your sexual desire building up.
Or one or other may find the sexual tension already mounted when you awake in the morning, and if your woman has to get out of bed and insert her cap the delay may dull her responses, if her sexual desire does not disappear altogether.
The vast majority of couples leave their sex until they go to bed at night. It is a great pity, because neither partner is really at his or her best after a hard day's work. But the sex drive does not confine itself to the late hours, and it follows that sex is not solely a nighttime activity.
This being so, if one of the couple wishes to enjoy sex at any time during the day, and the circumstances are favorable, the other should respond.
We should seize every opportunity to break away from the rut into which our organized lives have thrust us. We should make the most of weekends and holidays to show one another that we are loving each other all the time.
You may object that having sex before you get up will make you tired before you have even begun your day's work. But the widespread belief that sex and male ejaculation are so exhausting that a period of rest is necessary, and possibly sleep, is a myth. A few minutes, five or ten at the most, are quite sufficient.
The bedroom and the bed are not essential places for making love. Supposing you are sitting in the living room after supper with the children in bed, and you want to enjoy sex. Tell her!
The novelty of the act of undressing one another will be sexually stimulating, while the setting, the use of cushions on the hearthrug in front of the fire, or of an armchair or sofa, and finally penetration and thrusting in one of the positions for which the bed is not necessary - one of the sitting positions, or a rear-entry position, or the woman sitting in an armchair with you kneeling between her legs and so on - will make your sex even better.
Quite a number of couples take baths together and find that sex in the bathtub can be a particularly exciting experience. Apparently the best sex position for this is with the woman's back turned to her man.