A Sex Guide For Men and Women
We deal with common sexual problems and issues, which you can read about by clicking on the links below. This page deals with ejaculation problems. Other pages are listed below.
The Sexual Side Of Your Relationship
The average man in a relationship, without any previous stimulation of the penis or other sensitive zones, is able to reach orgasm and ejaculate during sex by manual, oral or vaginal friction of the penis within two to five minutes of achieving full erection, unless he deliberately delays his progress towards orgasm. Read more here.
In other words, if a man masturbates, is fellated or enters his partner the second he reaches full erection, and makes no attempt to control his arousal sensations, he will achieve orgasm within two to five minutes of rubbing, sucking or thrusting.
Now, while the average female may sometimes have roughly the same timescale when she masturbates herself, when she is in a sexual situation with a partner, she generally needs anything between 10 and 15 minutes of clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm if there has been enough foreplay. Why is this?
Is it because women are easily distracted during sex? The male, while making love, is in a constant state, not only of physical stimulation but psychological stimulation.
He achieves the latter by looking at his partner's body, by talking erotically to her or hearing her talk erotically, by fantasizing sexually in a whole host of ways. In fact, while actually engaged in fucking, the average male can scarcely avoid responding to such psychological stimulation.
For a woman, it is the physical stimulation of the clitoral area and other sensitive zones, rather than psychological stimuli, which leads to orgasm.
What is more, this physical stimulation must, once begun, be continuous until orgasm is reached. If the partner stops whatever form of stimulation he is applying - manual, oral or coital - the steady build-up in the woman's sexual arousal responses quickly drops back; and if the cessation of stimulation lasts for a minute or two minutes, she will be right back at the beginning, in a state of complete unarousal.
Nor is cessation of physical stimulation the only cause of this fall-back in arousal. Though she does not readily respond with arousal to psychological stimuli, she is affected adversely by what may be termed psychological non-stimuli.
She reacts, for instance, much more than her partner, to any apparent or real threat of interruption e.g. the arrival of children home from school, the ringing of the telephone, a knock on the door, voices outside the window.
She may be at the threshold of orgasm, but if distracted by one of these things, and a host of others, literally within seconds all her arousal sensations completely evaporate, and all her physical indications of arousal - erection of clitoris, swelling of labia, erection of nipples - disappear. When the panic is over, the stimulation must begin again from scratch.
All this being so, if a couple's sexual relationship is to be both satisfactory and satisfying, giving both complete relief from psychological and physical arousal and leaving both sexually satisfied, some way must be found of bridging this arousal gap between the partners.
This is usually achieved by foreplay, and this is why it is of the greatest importance that both men and women should give a good deal of time and patience to acquiring good physical lovemaking techniques. It's very important that the male asserts control over his progress to orgasm, so that it is slowed down, and also has sexual techniques which will, at the same time, ensure that his partner reaches orgasm.
This control over the speed of his own arousal can be acquired by the average man after a period of regular lovemaking. The chief requirements are a knowledge of the right ejaculation control techniques, and determination. Unfortunately, there are a number of men who are not only unable to acquire this control, but whose responses are so rapid that they ejaculate during intercourse in a much shorter time than two minutes.
This creates serious difficulties for the sexual relationship, because once the man has ejaculated, his penis goes soft in a short time and the glans becomes extremely tender, so he may be unable to continue the thrusting required to bring his partner to orgasm.
There are many things that can go wrong with sex, so it is not surprising that male sexual dysfunctions include a number of orgasmic and ejaculatory defects.
If you're into the excitement of more extreme things In the arena of sexuality, and your girlfriend and you are both open to the possibility of finding out how to enjoy female ejaculation, there is a great site here which will teach you how to make a woman squirt.
Now of course not everyone wants to know about the ways to make her squirt - find out how to do it here - but it's actually something that's really enjoyable.
Sure, not every woman wants to know how to enjoy female ejaculation Ė and not everybody believes it is even real Ė but if you're interested in exploring the boundaries of your sexuality as a couple, this is undoubtedly one way to go.
Sex Tips For Girls With Men Who Come QuicklyIf you are a woman with a man who has premature ejaculation youíre probably looking for a cure, since itís almost certain he wonít be bothered. And that's a shame, because if you want to make a man fall in love with you, then you almost certainly want to have him love you physically in an endearing way - not briefly, without any self control! Of course, true love is based on more than sex, but it does help!
That might be a bit unfair, because Iím sure that a lot of men with premature ejaculation are actually very nice guys who are really unhappy about the lack of satisfaction that their partners feel during intercourse.
However the simple truth is that comparatively few guys who have a rapid ejaculation problem will seek treatment for it, and this can lead to considerable discomfort, both emotional and physical, within the partnership.
After all, the one thing premature ejaculation suggests is that a man doesnít care about his partner sufficiently to find a cure for the problem and overcome it. For another, the woman may interpret his rapid ejaculation as an ďabandonmentĒ, since premature ejaculation tends to bring sex to an abrupt end, often when the couple are in the middle of intercourse, with the woman still feeling emotionally connected to her partner.
However you regard it, therefore, premature ejaculation is an unfavorable sexual dysfunction to have within a relationship, and itís to everybodyís advantage that a suitable treatment program should be found.
Iím glad to say that my sex therapist colleague Lloyd Lester has developed an extremely successful treatment for premature ejaculation, which I recommend highly. This treatment is based upon the principles of sex therapy, as used in a one-to-one clinical setting by sex therapists with their clients. And that is what helps women and men fall in love with each other!
It takes several treatment approaches and blends them into a single effective and powerful strategy of overcoming premature ejaculation. The main components of this treatment program are:
1 Behavioral modification techniques to ensure the man has a behavioral repertoire that gives him the greatest chance of overcoming premature ejaculation.
2 Cognitive modification techniques using techniques such as NLP and self hypnosis to ensure that the man has sex with the maximum chance of overcoming any tendency whatsoever to ejaculate quickly.
3 Physiological techniques that allow the man to exercise greater control over his own arousal, including, for example, the use of the pubococcygeal muscle to control the rate at which his arousal increases, and to slowdown his approach to the point of ejaculatory inevitability.
In this context, itís worth mentioning that although many so-called authorities on the Internet have recommended squeezing the PC muscle as the man approaches the point of no return, regarding this perhaps as an effective strategy to control the premature ejaculation, the truth is Ė itís a completely ineffectual way of controlling ejaculation, and simply doesnít work.
The only way to use the PC muscle to control rapid ejaculation is to squeeze it gently in the run-up to the point of no return, and by doing this, a man will find his arousal diminishes, his erection softens, and the degree of excitement heís feeling significantly lessens.
All of this information can be found in an excellent treatment program written by my colleague Lloyd Lester, which explains information here ó itís called Orgasm by Command ó and it really works well for men who arenít fully aware of their level of arousal during intercourse, or who find that the speed at which they approach ejaculation seems uncontrollable, and far too rapid.
Video on premature ejaculation
Premature ejaculation can certainly be a real handicap between man and woman in a relationship. It is only by seeking a cure, and sticking rigidly to the treatment protocols that a man is likely to stand any chance whatsoever of overcoming premature ejaculation.
But, when he does so, the rewards are far greater than you might expect, simply because sex is made so much more relaxed, and so much more enjoyable for both partners.
This really can help to make a man fall in love with you - because he no longer feels ashamed of his sexual performance! So, if you want a relationship - get busy - get your man to control his sexual performance. Get him to take care of your needs in bed!
The outcome of treatment for premature ejaculation is usually extremely successful when the man and his partner both combine to take part in the treatment, and work as a team to ensure that man has the maximum chance of overcoming his sexual dysfunction.
Let me assure you that in all the treatment programs available on the Internet, I have never found such reliable and good information as is available in the one to which I have linked above.
Lloyd Lester is an extremely experienced sex therapist, who I know personally, and with whom I have worked on many projects over the years.
Heís a researcher who has taken a great deal of trouble to investigate all of the currently recommended treatment programs for premature ejaculation, and has clearly identified the ones that work, combining them into a single holistic strategy that offers great hope for sexual pleasure for all men and women everywhere.
By examining the contents of his treatment program, Ejaculation by Command, Ė which you can see if you click here -- you should be able to establish fairly rapidly which parts of it are suitable for you and your partner's experience of premature ejaculation.
The author of programs available 24/7 to offer support and advice to all customers who have purchased this product; this is particularly valuable benefit for you, and should allow you to gain maximum advantage from the treatment program.
What I would say is that when considering treatment for sexual dysfunction, including delayed ejaculation treatment, itís essential that you have adequate support. Do not attempt to solve the problem without the support of your partner! This is an essential prerequisite for all men who may find themselves seeking help for sexual dysfunction.
Without the support of your partner, itís unlikely that the treatment program will succeed, because the exercises which you engage in to ensure that youíre not going to ejaculate before your level of arousal is as high as it can possibly be, will be impossible to practice without her help.
In general, treatment for premature ejaculation is highly successful, and itís surprising how few men actually seek help ó apparently the average time for a man who has this dysfunction seeks help is six years, which is a truly shocking statistic, but perhaps understandable in view of the embarrassment and shame which it engenders.