A Sex Guide For Men and WomenWe deal with common sexual problems and issues, which you can read about by clicking on the links below.
Other aspects of premature ejaculationAll women ought to give to their partners help in guiding the penis into the vagina, even when the man has perfect control over his progress towards orgasm and ejaculation; but it is extremely important for men with too rapid release during sex; and of equal importance to all women. As soon as stimulation of the clitoral area ceases, the woman's sexual arousal sensations recede very rapidly, and if stimulation is not restarted within 30 to 45 seconds, may drop back to zero, necessitating beginning again from scratch. If a couple want to try to enjoy orgasm together, it is important, therefore, that the penis should get into the vagina as quickly as possible to when the woman is approaching her orgasm to avoid this happening. But even the most accomplished lover can rarely slide his penis unaided into the vagina. And when the premature and too rapid ejaculator, fumbles about, trying to get in on his own, possibly running his sensitive glans penis up and down the vulva, he is sexually stimulated and may find this is a very common cause of his ejaculating before he gets in or within seconds of penetration. As soon as the man positions himself to penetrate his partner, then the woman should reach down both her hands, part her labia with her thumbs, and lightly taking the penis between her two forefingers, she should guide it to the vagina entrance. There are also one or two techniques which a man can use after penetration that will also help him to delay orgasm and ejaculation. For example, long slow strokes with the penis are less arousing than rapid ones. Better still, if he holds his pubic bone firmly against his partner's clitoral area, and keeping his penis motionless in the vagina, either rotates his pelvis or swings his hips from side to side, this more quickly stimulates the woman, and if she rotates her pelvis or swings her hips in the opposite direction, even more quickly still. Only when she has begun to orgasm - which she must tell him - does he begin to move his penis backwards and forwards. The most important of these techniques is the 'pelvic swing', rather than the 'pelvic thrust'. Tension of the pelvis and buttock muscles while moving the penis in the vagina - in other words 'thrusting' - speeds up a man's progress to orgasm and ejaculation. The too early ejaculator should, therefore, concentrate on keeping his buttock and pelvis muscles absolutely relaxed - 'swinging' - and he will discover that this will make a considerable difference to the speed with which he comes off. In addition, he should also watch his breathing. Heavy breathing speeds up the heart action and this, in turn, increases the rate of blood circulation, which appears to have the effect of making the whole penis more sensitive. Instead, use light, regular breathing, which will slow down the progress to ejaculation. All the aids to delaying ejaculation will help both physical causes and psychological causes. All that the psychologically caused too-early ejaculator needs to overcome his difficulty is confidence that he won't ejaculate too soon. This can be achieved with the right sort of training program. For those whose psychological causes of PE are somewhat more complex, there is, nevertheless, a physical technique which has quite a high and rapidly achieved success rate. The technique requires the assistance of a co-operative partner. It consists of the woman sitting on the bed, resting comfortably against the head-board, while the man lies on his back facing her with his buttocks between her spread legs and his genital area as near to her so that she can comfortably handle his penis. She stimulates his penis with her hand. When the man feels that he orgasm at any moment, he tells her and she stops stimulation. When the orgasm-sensations have completely subsided, the man tells her to restart stimulation, which she continues until he reaches the same point of arousal. This is repeated seven or eight times during one session. By repeating these sessions on a daily basis, in a very short time, a pattern of sexual response is established in which the man is able to tolerate intense stimulation without ejaculation yet still delay his ejaculation. Soon the man finds he can delay his ejaculation almost indefinitely. Because ejaculation occurs more rapidly when the penis is wet than when it is dry, massage oil can be applied to the penis before the woman begins her stimulation. This accustoms the man to having a moist penis while being stimulated, and lessens the effect of the moist interior of the vagina when he enters her during sex. (All these sessions should conclude with the man ejaculating, either as the result of manual stimulation or intercourse. This avoids inflammation of the prostate being set up by the retention of an overload of prostatic fluid, produced under the influence of this stop-go technique.) For men with no partner, provided there is no overt or covert suggestion of homosexuality, the technique can be successfully carried out by a male stimulator. This is useful, because quite often the too premature ejaculator has no sexual partner: he is afraid to involve himself in a sexual relationship which, he believes, would be doomed from the start, as it very well might be, and so he has no partner who might collaborate with him. These techniques do not work for all cases of premature and too rapid ejaculation. If the psychological causes, for example, are very deep-seated - a deep fear or hatred of women, or resentment against women, or worry over domestic or business affairs, and so on - then psychotherapy, a long process, is indicated. To sum up: all of us lose control over our progress to orgasm and ejaculation on some occasions throughout our lives. When this happens, it is essential that the partners laugh it off, and promise themselves and each other, that it will all be right next time. Failure to do this may very well set up the 'vicious circle', which is so difficult to break. If premature ejaculation becomes a regular feature of lovemaking, the advice of doctor or therapist should be sought without delay. Putting off treatment will only make success more difficult to achieve. Remember, it is possible for physically healthy and psychologically well-adjusted men to control their progress to orgasm and ejaculation easily. By patience and persistence - and a sense of humour - any such man should be able to train himself to hold back until he deliberately decides that he would like to ejaculate. It has been suggested that the man who can control himself to that extent must automatically deprive his lovemaking of all spontaneity. But provided the man and his partner have a vivid sexual imagination, they will continually surprise one another; it is not knowing what is coming next that is the essence of spontaneity, and the surest protection against sexual boredom. Retarded EjaculationRetarded ejaculation means that no matter how long the man thrusts in the vagina or has his penis stimulated in any other way by a partner he cannot reach orgasm and ejaculation (if he masturbates himself he can usually ejaculate within a minute or two). This is psychologically caused in the majority of cases. (In the others a man experiences retarded ejaculation during masturbation as well.) It is more challenging to treat than premature or too rapid ejaculation. In the ordinary course of events, ability to prolong arousal responses for a longish time would be regarded as an advantage. This is not so with retarded ejaculation, for the tensions build up, and when there is no relief through orgasm and ejaculation, they can become absolutely intolerable. Among the commonest psychological causes of retarded ejaculation are hatred of or resentment towards a specific sexual partner. This may be a dominant female, in whom the man sees a threat to his virility, to his traditional male sex role; or a sexually passive female for whom the man feels he has to do all the work during sexual intercourse. In the very rare cases of physically caused permanent retarded ejaculation, it is usually the result of damage to the sexual nervous system arising out of an accident. There may be an accompanying difficulty in obtaining erection, or an inability to obtain a full erection, ejaculation eventually being reached while the penis is half-stiff only. (There are a number of paraplegics who are paralyzed from the waist down by serious injury to the spinal cord, but who, nevertheless, can obtain a full erection by stimulation of the penis. If the ejaculatory centre in the spinal cord is damaged as well, they will never ejaculate. Sometimes, however, they do reach ejaculation after a long period of stimulation, which seems to indicate that the ejaculation centre is unimpaired, or not sufficiently impaired to prevent complete loss of ejaculatory capability. They are responding to the best of the ability that their anatomy permits.) Temporary physically caused retarded ejaculation can result from general fatigue or physical weakness brought about by illness, or too frequent stimulation to orgasm in a comparatively short space of time. Men who suffer from this last type of retarded ejaculation are usually high-sexed men; if the cause is over-activity, a rest from sexual play will quickly restore the status quo. If it is generally fatigue or physical weakness caused by illness, rest or convalescence will soon bring things back to normal. Besides the psychological causes I have cited above, feelings of guilt, shame or sin arising out of involvement with a specific partner, can bring about retarded ejaculation. A man may have full ejaculatory control with his woman, but suffer retarded ejaculation with a casual partner (or vice versa). Cases of psychologically caused retarded ejaculation respond to behavior therapy or psychotherapy. Retrograde EjaculationAt climax, the semen flows back into the bladder instead of being pumped by the prostate and other organs up the penile urethra and out at the tip. The cause is impairment of the function of the smooth muscle of the internal sphincter of the bladder, which normally closes off the bladder when the man is sexually aroused. The majority of retrograde ejaculations occur as the result of prostate surgery, of which it is an almost invariable outcome. Erection is perfect, and full orgasm is experienced, but no semen is spurted from the penis. There is no cure for the condition, so unless the man who undergoes prostate surgery is warned beforehand that this is most likely to happen, and is psychologically prepared for it, the non-appearance of semen can be quite a psychological shock. Other Ejaculation Disorders(a) Difficulty in reaching orgasm and ejaculation during sex or masturbation. This has all the symptoms of retarded ejaculation with the exception that if stimulation is applied for a sufficiently long time, ejaculation will eventually take place. This condition is more often found in young than more mature men. The cause may be physical or psychological. John S., for example, had never been able to masturbate to orgasm and ejaculation by the time he was 18 except after stimulation lasting at least 45 minutes. A thorough medical and physical examination, which included a cystoscopy (an internal examination of the genital tract with an instrument called a cystoscope) and an investigation of his hormone production pronounced him normal and healthy in every way, which indicated that the cause of his trouble was psychological. With sex therapy he remembered something: When John was 11, his grandfather had tried to interfere with him sexually. This had very much upset the little boy, who had resisted. The grandfather had made things worse by going down on his knees and emotionally begging John not to say a word to anyone about what had happened. Though he was so young, he appreciated what a family upheaval would follow if he did report the incident to his father, so he blotted it out of his memory and over the past seven years had done so, so successfully that he did not recall it, until the therapist mentioned his grandparents. All this time, along with the memory, he had rejected sex, and though he wanted to be like his masturbating school-friends, and desperately tried to masturbate, the unconscious rejection of sex had prevented him from obtaining orgasm except with extreme difficulty, which often caused him to give up long before ejaculation occurred. He did not respond immediately, but a couple of months treatment for his delayed ejaculation and he was able to masturbate regularly to orgasm and ejaculation, within four or five minutes. In another case, a 16-year-old boy who had been caught masturbating by an unenlightened schoolmaster when he was on the point of orgasm three years earlier, had received such a shock, that whenever he had tried to masturbate he had never been able to reach orgasm and ejaculate, except by long periods of stimulation which made his arm ache and his penis sore. Among the physical causes can be: a deficiency of hormone production, which can be remedied; undersized testicles or seminal vesicles and/or prostate gland, which do not contract to expel semen except under long stimulation; abnormality in the functioning of the smooth muscle of the reproductive tract; deformity or obstruction in the genital tract. A doctor's advice should be sought as early as possible. (b) The "numb come" - ejaculation with no feeling. In this condition, there is normal erection and ejaculation, but no orgasm sensations accompany the ejaculation. It is generally a condition of men in their late forties and onwards, though there are a few cases of men in their thirties. There may be a specific physical cause for it, ranging from a prostate disorder, loss of muscle tone or sensitivity of part of the sexual nervous system. More frequently, however, it has a psychological cause. It's often the result of sexual stimulation to orgasm and ejaculation when a man is not especially aroused. Whenever there is a persisting ejaculation disorder, advice and help should be sought at the earliest possible moment. Whether it has physical or psychological origins, the longer it is left without treatment, the longer it will take and the more difficult it will be to remedy it. No man who has such a disorder should hold back from seeking help because he is afraid that it betrays his sexual inadequacy. Sex counselors, specialist physicians and psychotherapists are all sympathetic to the sufferers from these complaints, and are as eager as he is to restore him, if it is at all possible, to a full satisfying sexual experience.
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