A Sex Guide For Men and Women


We deal with common sexual problems and issues, which you can read about by clicking on the links below. This page deals with ejaculation problems. Other pages are listed below.

Development of sexual behavior in men (2) ] Development of sexual behavior in men ] Advice For Men - sexual information and advice for men ] More Advice for Men - How To Overcome Premature Ejaculation ] Masturbation and Its Problems ] More Advice For Men - how to introduce variety to sex and make your orgasms more intense ] Sex After The Menopause ] Erection Problems ] How to Achieve Orgasm During Sex For Women - Keeping sex alive in a relationship ] Oral Sex and Its Problems ] Advanced Sexual Techniques ] A sex guide for men and women - problems of ejaculation ] Sexual Muscles, Fitness Of The Pelvic Floor Muscles ] Sexual Fitness - training your sex muscles ] Sexual Arousal In Women ] Sexual Arousal and Orgasm In Women ] Sexual Arousal In Men - the process of sexual arousal from excitement through to orgasm ] Sexual Arousal, Orgasm and Ejaculation In Men - what makes sex good for men ]

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Sex After The Menopause


How Can You Have A Really Good Relationship?

I assume you're reading this website because you're interested in improving the quality of your relationships with other people.

But one of the most difficult things that we can do is to seek out and improve the quality of intimate relationships, because nobody teaches us the skills we need to make a success of relationships. If you're wondering what I mean by this, let me explain !

So the skills that I would think of as being essential for good relationships include communication skills, listening skills, emotional intelligence, and the ability to open one's heart and really connect with another person without reacting to what they say, merely responding from a place of love and compassion.

Yet we're all born innocent, and we're all wounded by the experiences that we have in childhood as we grow up, wounds that effectively leave us unable to communicate or connect with other people in the way that we might wish to do so.

Nowhere does this play out more clearly than in relationships with other people, particularly intimate relationships of the heart. Our partners speak to us in a way that we regard inappropriate or offensive, or that somehow wounds, and we react from an emotional place, rather than responding from an openhearted place of compassion.

Once this misunderstanding has opened up our communication, things generally tend to go downhill, and often we end up in a full-blown argument, each asserting the rightness of what we say, each of us convinced that the other person is wrong, and becoming more firmly entrenched in the views that we hold.

Yet how can any of this help the relationship to succeed? The simple fact is, of course, that it can't help a relationship to succeed -- in fact, it can only be destructive of the relationships we have, and that's why the Internet has a huge potential value for people who want to improve the quality of their intimate emotional and even sexual relationships with other people.

picture of Mike Fiorepicture of claire caseyHow can the Internet help? you may be asking. Well, the assistance I'm referring to lies in the presence of a huge number of self-help programs on the Internet written by people of more or less skill in the area of human relationships. Some individuals stand out in this field, in particular two individuals called Mike Fiore and Claire Casey, who really are the doyennes of relationship advice online. You can see their picture here.

I would say that the amount of advice on the Internet available to men wanting to get into relationship with women, and the amount of advice and information available to women wanting a relationship with men is approximately equal. But here, I'm interested in a particular program designed for any woman who wants a relationship with a man: It's Called Capture His Heart and Make Him Love You Forever.

Now I know that's a kind of dynamic, exciting, and possibly even inspirational title, but I also know full well that you might be wondering what on earth an Internet program can offer a woman who wants an intimate emotional and sexual relationship with a man. Well first and foremost, it can offer information, and I would say that Capture His Heart and Make Him Love You Forever provides dating tips and advice - in fact all the information that a woman might need about men's attitudes, feelings, thoughts, and behavior.

picture of Barack Obama and his charismatic imageLet's face it, one of the massive disagreements, or areas of disagreement, between men and women is the fact that men and women are so different, and don't understand each other. Simply by providing this information, Mike Fiore and Claire Casey have managed to overcome one of the big gaps of understanding between men and women.

But as you might expect, since this is a complete program for establishing relationship, Capture His Heart and Make Him Love You Forever, offers strategies for increasing your emotional intelligence, and communicating from heart-to-heart in a way that is non-judgmental and compassion based. A similar way of communication was invented by Michael Rosenberg, who was the author of Nonviolent Communication. Nonviolent communication is one of the precepts of Capture His Heart and Make Him Love You Forever.

So there's a great deal of information here, as you can tell, and I suspect that many of you will be excited by the prospect of digging down into Capture His Heart, and finding out exactly how it can help you with its abundance of relationship and dating advice. But there are other aspects that I should mention, including the members' forum and discussion e-mail groups which allow mutual support and consolidation of lessons learned and ideas gained.

One of things that we're all open to is the sense of isolation and lack of support that comes when we tried to establish new relationships without any guidance, mentoring or expertise. Capture His Heart and Make Him Love You Forever is a great source of inspiration and mentoring, albeit in slightly different form than we've come traditionally to expect mentoring to take place for women who are lacking in confidence, or who need knowledge about men, or who are basically just frightened of extending their heart and making an emotional interaction. For such women, this is one of the programs that can offer the dating advice and relationship information that they need.


The Sexual Side Of Your Relationship

Ejaculation Problems

The average man in a relationship, without any previous stimulation of the penis or other sensitive zones, is able to reach orgasm and ejaculate during sex by manual, oral or vaginal friction of the penis within two to five minutes of achieving full erection, unless he deliberately delays his progress towards orgasm.

In other words, if a man masturbates, is fellated or enters his partner the second he reaches full erection, and makes no attempt to control his arousal sensations, he will achieve orgasm within two to five minutes of rubbing, sucking or thrusting.

Now, while the average female may sometimes have roughly the same timescale when she masturbates herself, when she is in a sexual situation with a partner, she generally needs anything between 10 and 15 minutes of clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm if there has been enough foreplay. Why is this?

Is it because women are easily distracted during sex?  The male, while making love, is in a constant state, not only of physical stimulation but psychological stimulation.

He achieves the latter by looking at his partner's body, by talking erotically to her or hearing her talk erotically, by fantasizing sexually in a whole host of ways. In fact, while actually engaged in fucking, the average male can scarcely avoid responding to such psychological stimulation.

For a woman, it is the physical stimulation of the clitoral area and other sensitive zones, rather than psychological stimuli, which leads to orgasm.

What is more, this physical stimulation must, once begun, be continuous until orgasm is reached. If the partner stops whatever form of stimulation he is applying - manual, oral or coital - the steady build-up in the woman's sexual arousal responses quickly drops back; and if the cessation of stimulation lasts for a minute or two minutes, she will be right back at the beginning, in a state of complete unarousal.

Nor is cessation of physical stimulation the only cause of this fall-back in arousal. Though she does not readily respond with arousal to psychological stimuli, she is affected adversely by what may be termed psychological non-stimuli.

She reacts, for instance, much more than her partner, to any apparent or real threat of interruption e.g. the arrival of children home from school, the ringing of the telephone, a knock on the door, voices outside the window.

She may be at the threshold of orgasm, but if distracted by one of these things, and a host of others, literally within seconds all her arousal sensations completely evaporate, and all her physical indications of arousal - erection of clitoris, swelling of labia, erection of nipples - disappear. When the panic is over, the stimulation must begin again from scratch.

All this being so, if a couple's sexual relationship is to be both satisfactory and satisfying, giving both complete relief from psychological and physical arousal and leaving both sexually satisfied, some way must be found of bridging this arousal gap between the partners.

This is usually achieved by foreplay, and this is why it is of the greatest importance that both men and women should give a good deal of time and patience to acquiring good physical lovemaking techniques. It's very important that the male asserts control over his progress to orgasm, so that it is slowed down, and also has sexual techniques which will, at the same time, ensure that his partner reaches orgasm.

This control over the speed of his own arousal can be acquired by the average man after a period of regular lovemaking. The chief requirements are a knowledge of the right ejaculation control techniques, and determination. Unfortunately, there are a number of men who are not only unable to acquire this control, but whose responses are so rapid that they ejaculate during intercourse in a much shorter time than two minutes.

This creates serious difficulties for the sexual relationship, because once the man has ejaculated, his penis goes soft in a short time and the glans becomes extremely tender, so he may be unable to continue the thrusting required to bring his partner to orgasm.

There are many things that can go wrong with sex, so it is not surprising that male sexual dysfunctions include a number of orgasmic and ejaculatory defects.

Video on delayed ejaculation

 

First of all is the one with which we are all familiar - premature ejaculation. the less said about this, the better, perhaps! And then there is that old favorite of men the world over - erectile dysfunction. Both of these may be seen as a dysfunction of arousal - in one case too high; in the other case too low.

But what are we to make of retarded or delayed ejaculation, where a man finds that he cannot ejaculate normally despite (apparently) being highly aroused? Well, the answer seems to be that delayed ejaculation is a disorder of arousal and a man who cannot ejaculate during sex may not be very aroused at all.

In any event, lack of control over progress to orgasm gives rise to a number of ejaculatory conditions; for example premature ejaculation, too rapid ejaculation, retarded ejaculation, and retrograde ejaculation (which means ejaculation of fluid backwards into the bladder rather than outwards through the urethra).

The first three of these sexual conditions can sometimes cause serious emotional and physical problems for a man: especially delayed ejaculation, which runs counter to all expectations about men and sex. (After all, most men ejaculate too rapidly, rather than having trouble coming at all.)

By premature or too rapid ejaculation, we mean ejaculation before the penis gets into the vagina, or within two minutes of the penis getting into the vagina, or a considerable time before the partner begins to approach her orgasm, so that she has to be brought to orgasm manually or orally. There are plenty of effective quick ejaculation remedies available from around the world here.

Delayed ejaculation means that a man cannot come, no matter how long his penis is stimulated either manually, orally or vaginally, the man is unable to ejaculate and orgasm is not reached and there is no ejaculation.

Retrograde ejaculation occurs when the semen is ejaculated at orgasm backwards into the bladder, a condition caused by changes in the internal muscles as a result of prostate surgery.

Besides these main types of ejaculation disorders, there are two others which occur frequently enough to be mentioned, though they are comparatively rare: difficulty in reaching orgasm and ejaculation, though they do come eventually; and ejaculation with no feeling (the "numb come").

Dating advice for women

Does Capture His Heart and Make Him Love You Forever really help relationships?One of the major differences between men and women is the extent to which they desire a long-term relationship. Classically, we've all been led to believe that women are the ones who want to capture a man and never let him go, whilst men would like the ones who have the opportunity to fuck around freely.

But are these sex stereotypes true? Much work has been conducted on the origin of sexual stereotypes, and how they have evolved throughout human evolution in history. What seems to be true, as commentators like Bernie Zilbergeld have observed, is that stereotypes are only true to the extent that people buy into them.

So when you come across an Internet program called capture his heart and make him love you forever, the question naturally arises is what the intention of the author might be. Is it simply provide good dating advice to women, or is it more about providing something that Sin to the deepest urges in men and women alike?

Well, I will leave you to decide that the yourself, because I happen to have written a review site, which is called Capture His Heart, and it will tell you all about this program: it's written by Mike Fiore and Claire Casey, and is one of the foremost most well-known Internet dating programs for women. Whether it simply fulfils dating stereotypes, or whether it actually fulfils a deep genetic urge is a matter for you as an individual to decide. Having said that of course, I'm with Bernie Zilbergeld, when he makes the observation that sex and relationships are just precisely what we want them to be, and no more. And that includes the problems raised by our reactions to obesity, appearance, and other human factors....

See our review of The Venus Factor Diet on the page on the obesity link above.

Premature and Too Rapid Ejaculation

Only 15 per cent of all cases where men ejaculate too quickly have physical causes; the remaining 85 per cent are caused psychologically. Let's consider the physically caused cases first.

The male's main orgasm-producing nerves are situated in truly massive formation around the opening in the penis-tip, and in the frenulum, the tiny band of skin which joins the skin of the penile shaft to the glans on the underside of the penis. By stimulation of one or other or both of these sets of nerves either manually, orally or vaginally, orgasm will eventually be achieved accompanied by ejaculation.

It's been suggested that some men have nerves which are much too sensitive. But this explanation of premature ejaculation has pretty much been disproved. Presumably, insensitive nerves cannot account for all the cases of retarded or delayed ejaculation which occur in the normal male population, either.

A number of infections of the urethra and prostate cause premature and too rapid ejaculation. Neglected gonorrhea infection and N.S.U. (non-specific urethritis) come into this category. But less serious inflammations of the urethra and prostate are also common physical causes. Inflammation of the prostate arising from a virus infection or from a long period of abstinence from all sexual activity, can cause premature ejaculation. Prostatitis from virus infection can occur at almost any age from infancy to old-age.

In addition to premature ejaculation, the other symptoms of prostatitis include mild or sharp, steady or intermittent pain anywhere in the lower part of the abdomen in or near the pubic area; in the groins, scrotum and small of the back; around the base of the penis; or in the region of the kidneys.

Very often, prostatitis will cause pain in the tip of the penis. Prostatitis, like urethritis, usually causes irritation of the urethra - the tube by which the bladder is emptied - and gives rise to a desire to urinate frequently. Prostate disorders, especially enlargement of the prostate, are usually the cause of premature ejaculation in men of 50 and over.

tao of badass ebookRelationships - especially between men and women, where women need dating tips and relationship advice - can be disrupted by such things, though there are plenty of gurus on the art of seduction who offer to teach us how to overcome overt problems in getting a girl - see, for example, the Tao of Badass by Joshua Pellicer.

Any man of any age, who has learned to control his progress to orgasm and suddenly finds he is ejaculating prematurely or too rapidly, should at once go to his doctor and ask to be referred to a consultant urologist, whether or not he has other symptoms of urethritis or prostatitis. In this age of antibiotics, both disorders can be quickly cured, and with the cure, control of ejaculation and orgasm returns to normal.

Psychologically caused premature and too rapid ejaculation is most common among young, sexually inexperienced men. When one first has the opportunity for making love, the lovemaking and sexual intercourse are especially exciting.

Lovemaking should, of course, be an exciting experience throughout one's life, and the more experienced one becomes in orgasmic and ejaculatory control, the more exciting it is.

But in the early days, because the man responds so rapidly to psychological stimuli, just the thought of sex is so arousing that control of the progress to orgasm and ejaculation cannot be maintained.

Some young men become anxious about whether they are going to be able to 'do sex right'. A man may be very conscious of the fact that he lacks experience in practical sexual techniques to arouse and satisfy his partner.

If he cannot satisfy his partner, he fears she will rate him as sexually inadequate and as this would be a fatal blow to his male sexual self-esteem, so his anxiety mounts to such a degree that he loses all control over his physical arousal, or any control over his ejaculation, spurting far too soon to satisfy either partner.

You can find out how to control premature ejaculation, develop the ultimate staying power and ultimate length here if you wish to last longer during sex before reaching orgasm.

If only young men could accept these reactions as normal, and if they do ejaculate too soon, laugh it off and assure themselves and their partners that 'it will be better next time' they could then bring their girl to orgasm by masturbation or fellatio and it will indeed be better next time. Though next time he still might ejaculate too quickly to satisfy his partner, there will be a definite improvement, especially if the partner knows premature ejaculation is a very common difficulty among young males and is sympathetic and encouraging.

Many young men who have the opportunity for regular sexual intercourse, preferably with the same partner, so that they develop their sexual techniques together, can quickly gain orgasmic and ejaculatory control. Unfortunately, some fail once and worry that it may happen the next time. This anxiety about sex actually makes them fail a second time and a third time. This sets up a vicious circle from which it is extremely difficult to extricate oneself.

This applies also to the older male, in his thirties and forties, who ejaculates too soon. We have all experienced coming too soon a number of times in our lives, but unless we can laugh it off, we can very easily make what is an occasional experience into a permanent one. Feelings of anxiety, of sexual inadequacy, fear of making the partner pregnant, feelings of guilt or shame or sin - or a combination of these psychological symptoms - are to be found in many cases of premature or too rapid ejaculation.

Treatment

Can anything be done to rectify the condition? Definitely! In physically caused too-early ejaculation, first establish the seat of the physical cause. If the cause is a tight, unretractable or over-sensitive foreskin, or a too-stretched frenulum, circumcision or foreskin stretching will usually bring about a cure. This may seem pretty drastic action, but actually, circumcision is a fairly simple operation at any time of life.

All those premature and too rapid ejaculators who have sensations of irritation in the urethra, burning sensations when urinating, pains anywhere in the genital area, the groins, the region of the kidneys or the tip of the penis, should consult a doctor immediately.

There are many causes for premature ejaculation, not all of them as obvious as you might expect. You might even find that physical illnesses contribute to the problem because of the discomfort they cause. When you're in pain, there's not much incentive to linger over the pleasure of sex! For that reason, I have written a site on the subject of acid reflux and hiatal hernia, which affects around half of all people over 60. Click here for further details.

More often than not, these symptoms indicate urethritis and prostatitis, which can both be responsible for causing all the unpleasant and unwanted symptoms of either of these troublesome male sexual disorders. Curing the urethritis and prostatitis usually produces restored control over orgasm and ejaculation.

For those who have hypersensitive nerves in penis-tip and frenulum, a local anesthetic applied to the glans penis may help to serve as a PE cure and eliminate rapid ejaculation.

The most effective of these anesthetics is an aerosol spray. If the man is not circumcised, he should pull back the foreskin as far as it will go, and spray the glans penis-head once only. This must be done twenty minutes before lovemaking is begun. It is absolutely essential that the liquid should be allowed to dry on the penis-head, which takes two or three minutes. The spray slightly anaesthetizes the nerves in the glans and frenulum.

 It does not interfere with erection, nor with the eventual achievement of orgasm and ejaculation, nor with the quality of the orgasm-sensations. All it does is to make the all-important nerves less sensitive, and, therefore, in need of longer stimulation. It takes twenty minutes for the spray to become fully effective; and the anesthetic effect lasts about forty minutes after the end of the preliminary twenty-minute period, which provides time for the leisurely sex which all lovemaking sessions should be.

 

Supercharge Your Sexual Stamina and Get Total Ejaculatory Control!

Staying Power is a premature ejaculation control system that gives you 100% control over your ejaculation and allows you to make love for long enough to bring your partner to orgasm during intercourse. Staying Power will show you ways to achieve total ejaculation control and complete sexual mastery so you enjoy unlimited sexual staying power, and can last as long as you desire during intercourse.

That means she'll be able to reach orgasm during intercourse, and you can choose to wait until she's really coming before you let go and ejaculate! Be the best lover you can be - long-lasting, fully able to satisfy your female partner during sex. Click on the link, but beware....this power can make you irresistible in bed!

adonis golden ratio offers men the chance of good sexual healthYou can also build a great body with the Adonis index - a fact explained more on this page of the site, where the multifarious advantages of the golden ratio in helping end premature ejaculation are explained.


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